I'm not a good person for new year resolutions. Though a good start can really make the difference to a person, I'm going to try an reflect instead on the end - the final outcome.
My first question to myself is simply - What are the end goals of my efforts?
The next question is easy - am I actually trying to achieve that? (I answer 'no' to this one)
And now the hard question - what am I doing wrong?
Its a hard question for me because I am forced to be accountable. Im forced to evaluate myself and confront those areas of darkness that I like to hid. I hate being exposed. Who does?!
So in the spirit of honesty and determination to live out my end game I want to expose my greatest weakness.
I am so inclined at times to feel sorry for myself, that it destroys me.
I don't know where it came from - I'm sure I learned the skill during childhood. But in either case it only breeds my rebellion, my anger and fuels my pride. It causes my selfishness, my close minded nature and ultimately my own self destruction. I become filled with contempt and bitterness.
While I may not be feeling this just now, I know this is my 'Kryptonite' to what my end game is.
Please pray for me, that I can overcome this. I want the life that Jesus desires for me, that I truly believe he reveals in scripture.
I want my kids to see and know this life too.
